I need advice on how to address my best friend's latest drama BET fam. I'm glad BET is anonymous as she is embarassed but needs my support. I'm so in shock right now, but I need to let this off my chest. Any input is appreciated.

 

My closest friend back home is 10 yrs older than her boyfriend. He's in his late 20's. He was raised in the muslim faith, but has distanced himself from his family and religion. Anyways....she called me last friday upset her man didn't call her after he left work. He later said he didn't want to come home to arguing with her, so he decided to go to the neighborhood bar. Well, to condense this long story, he came home the next day thinking my girl was gone. You sitting down for this???

 

He revealed that he left the bar around 1pm. He said he left with a couple.  Yeah, you heard me right. A swinging couple. The chick is bi and the dude is gay. Yeah, I didn't stutter. They all headed to a gay bar and left from there together. Here is where the facts get confusing as they were told to my friend when he sobered up. She says he told her he must have blacked out because he doesn't remember leaving with them. He also said when he woke up the next morning, he woke up in between the couple in the bed and doesn't know who he had sex with. Fast forward........

 

He gets home and soaks in the bathtub. You heard me right. My friend says she thinks he was drugged by this couple and its not his fault. She says he doesn't remember if he had sex with the man or the woman and that he does remember the condom busting and he's scared the girl may resurface pregnant. Whew! Did you get all that????

 

I told her that his cheating was one thing. But isn't this whole scenario a dealbreaker???? She doesn't see it that way. I told her to get tested for STDs. How do I give her support when I don't agree with her decision to stay with this dude?

 

 

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"My job is not to represent Washington to YOU, but to represent YOU to Washington."

Obama For President '08
http://www.myspace.com/passion4lawatl

1st off WTF! I could see this on Jerry Springer right now. lol Okay I know this isn’t suppose to be funny but that is some craziness. I’m a keep it real, the only thing you can do is be supportive, give ur opinion here and there and hope she’ll pay attention. But she has somehow convinced herself that nothing is wrong with this situation. You’re on the outside lookin' in, so it’s easy for you too see how ridiculous this is. You’re thinkin' with common sense, she’s thinkin' with her emotions probably. If he can get away with this, he has it made.

Thanks Tank. I can't believe she's actually rationalizing this to me....*smh*

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"My job is not to represent Washington to YOU, but to represent YOU to Washington."

Obama For President '08
http://www.myspace.com/passion4lawatl

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Wooooooowwww..................Well betomb and Tank pretty much said it all. Let her find out the hard way that she's dumb as a sack of rocks if she continues to stick with this dude. I mean you can only offer so much advice and support, so it's up to her to make the next step as far as what to do.

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Keep hatin'! You're making me famous!

So basically your friend is actually believing that he was drugged and the couple took advantange of him?  Sounds like she is denial and it sounds like her man is gay or at least curious and once a man sets it in his mind that he is curious she might as well make it a wrap.

Why did he leave with this couple in the first place, he had intentions of getting his freak on.  Now all of a sudden he doesnt remember he got down and with a man at that.  If she wants to stay with him she needs to know her  man seems to be confused about which team he is on.  I hope she makes the right decision and doesnt waste her time on a man who is clearly confused about his sexuality.

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The greatest gift in the world a human being has received from GOD is LIFE. Take advantage and live life to the fullest :)

this is the most RIDICULOUS! story i have EVER heard in my life!!!!...yep this chick is beyond dumb and desperate. just as every1 has stated....there isnt n3thing that you can do but what your doing....u cant really support her b/c you dont agree...but listen and when asked give your thoughts...cant tell her to leave...b/c obviously she isnt going too....but this is pretty sad for a women...honestly

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GOD didn't promised days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain. But, GOD did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and a light for the way

What man in his right mind would come home after spending the night out with a woman and a man would ever come home and tell?

Caramel,

You need to look at this from 2 angles. Its one thing to support  you friend and be there for her and its another thing to make her do what you think is right.

 

I think the whole situation stinks. Its not right. Like you said, he needs to get tested and ask hime self if he is gay/bi or not. If he is 100% sure that he is str8 then they just have to rebuild thier relationship. But i think she might as well cut her loss and break him off. But you know what? Thats HER decision to make. Dont complicate things for her by make her think she is dumb for wanting to trust her man. Its so easy to sit back and 'logically analyse someone else's relationship' but dont!!!!!!!

 

Now as far as you being there for her, maybe thats all she wants. Find you position and stay in you Lane.  I dont think she wants anyone to tell her if she is crazy, desperate, dumb or stupid! Dang!!!!!! just be a friends, Tell her i dont agree with you but am here. Dont be forcing what you would do down here throat.

 

As for the guy, hes lying about the story. It dont add up. But its upto here to decide how much she wants to trust him and how much of a risk she want to take.

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Thanks everybody. You guys are so helpful. Betomb you my girl with those points. I never looked at why he was admitting to his shinanigans to her like that. Maybe he was hoping she did exactly what she did (trying to understand him and accepting it). Mss Chokalate---That's what I said! I was like I can't believe my best friend is believing his lies. She's always keeping me straight but accepting his behavior and rationalizing this bull is totally out of character for her. Shadiq's Mom---I know. I couldn't believe it when she told me this over the phone. Straight Jerry Springer.

Blkeric---You are right. I will not try to force my views on her. Besides, she's too opinionated anyway, she has made her decision. I just don't want LOVE to blind her to the point that she puts her health and future at risk.

 

I never want to be so in love that I accept a man's gay lifestyle.

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"My job is not to represent Washington to YOU, but to represent YOU to Washington."

Obama For President '08
http://www.myspace.com/passion4lawatl

Her boyfriend is a cheater and making up nonsense.  He is bisexual and will give your gullible friend a disease.  She is too desperate to realize this.

Old girl has lost her mind. She needs to face facts that ole boy is a swinger and that he likes both men and women. For him to say some stuff like he didn't know what happened and that he didn't know how he slept with and for her to be cool with she has to be out of her mind.

Both of them needs an old fashioned butt whopping. This is the reason why Aids are so rapidly killing off all of our african american women today. She is on a whole new level of desepration and is in need of some kind of reality check. She had that been my wife and I didn't come home that night the very next day the locks would be changed my stuff would be on the curb waiting. A King should never disrepect his Queen in that manner. He has lost his mind for thinking that story would fly. Tell him to tell that same story to his boys and see what they have to say about it. Please he knew exactly what was going on when he participated in the activity. That is my story and that is what I am sticking to.

If that had been my sister's boyfriend his monkey as  s would have come up missing some where.

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