A STORY FROM CRAIGSLIST-----I'd "f" you, but I've been drinking way, way, way too much beer, and besides, the game is about to start. If you're lucky you might get some "D" later, but ever since you put on that extra weight I just really don't get horny for you like I used to. And you have the nerve to complain about my beer gut! Suddenly, as you become resigned to your sexless evening you are overpowered by an extremely horrible smell - THAT'S RIGHT, I JUST FARTED! You try to run away from it, but you can't escape it in this tiny apartment we had to move into since I lost my job. Eventually it goes away and you decide to stare at the TV for a while just in case there's any nice looking men to see on the screen while I'm watching the game.----- ---------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------ But hardly any of them look good, and besides you're so depressed and bitter with the entire male race you seriously wonder if you'll ever be able to enjoy a man again. As you sit there contemplating suicide because of your wretched existence and think "it can't possibly get any worse", it does. I have to take a chit. A really noisy, sloppy, gloppy load of butt gravy from Hell. And of course I crap horrendously with the door wide open because I'm not about to miss any of the game just to spare your oversensitive little nose. The stench nearly kills you ----------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------- this apartment is just too tiny to have anyone crapping in it. My a/s//s lava splashes onto the back of the toilet seat, and I don't clean it off. My pubic hairs fall all over the floor, just so you can be reminded that a MAN lives here. Then I return to my game, and the phone rings. It's my buddies, and they're coming over after work to watch the rest of the game. I immediately start making a royal mess in the kitchen, and you cringe at the thought of how the house is going to smell later after me and my buddies drink a ton of beer, eat a ton of chips and salsa, and then get into one of our drunken farting contests.------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------- You wish you could divorce me, but even on unemployment I still make more money than your sorry a/s//s and you know you can't score with the men like you did when you were younger. You are just as stuck with me as I am with you. You wish you could just leave for tonight, but it's storming like crazy outside and it's freezing cold, and I still have to fix the car that YOU half destroyed trying to dodge that damn squirrel. And you have no friends anyway. But I do. Because I'm a REAL MAN!