There is a major flaw in both Guides. That flaw is the suppression of communication. The wife, according to this guide, is to down play her difficult day without talking (communicating.) and the husband is to bear the financial burden of the household, trouble at work and carry all the weight in his heart – alone. To share his problems with the wife would be seen as “unmanly.” So he suffers in silence. Only the most successful men were totally happy with this arrangement …………………………..I believe a few of 1950’s black women and men had it right all alone. They worked TOGERTHER. They shared the burdens (both domestic and non-domestic) TOGETHER. And they communicated TOGETHER! They took good care of each other!……..How did they do it?......... Out of necessity they took the best of both worlds and made it work……..Men for the most part followed the man’s guide to a tee. The only problem, the wages they paid a black man in most cases was not enough to sustain the family alone so he needed a little help. The Knowledgeable black housewife followed her guide closely also. The main difference was that she could not dedicate 100% of her time to the family. The husband filled in with the domestic duties as a supplement. And the wife filled in breadwinning duties as a supplement. The result was a wife that felt she had a bit more autonomy and independence and was making a contribution to both the home and the world of work. She was paid for her non-domestic contribution. The husband had help with the financial burden and communicated with his wife where they would experience a shortfall of cash. …….Another feature the women of yesterday had that the women of today don’t is a support group of other women. Women were for the most part at home or working in a domestic capacity. They looked out for each other’s children and took turns covering shifts. …………..We are not returning to the 1950’s way of life anytime soon. But I feel that both men and women would be happier if the follow the basic guidelines……..Women want to have independence and feel that they are making a contribution to the world beyond supplying it with children. They also have a nature to nurture their families. They want to be there for the children and husbands. To me, a good solution for this type of domestic at heart woman is a home based business or job………….Many men want to be respected and be the heads of their families. But they also would like a break with some of the burden to support a family. A natural solution to this is to support a wife domestically in exchange for financial help. This will help dads connect with children on another level and allow fathers to express a nurturing side of their personalities. And let’s face it. Some guys love to cook!..........It took me awhile to understand this delicate balance but I’m finally starting to see the light……….A woman who is at home slaving over a hot stove and only catering to her family is not going to be happy if that is her whole life unless she has a particular personality. ……A woman whose whole life is her career and she never gets to see her children or perform domestic duties for the family will feel like a failure as a woman and, unless she has a particular personality, will not be happy. A woman who attempts to do it all will burn out and their husband’s will lose all respect for them. These women become “Angry Women.” A woman who strikes a balance will find fulfillment. A woman whose heart centers on the home and family and uses outside work as a supplement to the family coffers, will probably have a more fulfilling life…………This is the life of the 1950’s black woman who married a husband that was both a provider and nurturer(out of necessity.) Personally I like the domestic guidelines but I want more communication and power sharing. I don’t want to take anything or anyone for granted. I also want someone to share the financial burden…..let’s face it’s, gas is almost $4.00 a gallon not .45 cents……Lastly, couples need to forgo the endless pursuit of the STUFF so many of us work so hard to gain and have so very little time to enjoy! A smaller house filled with love is better than a mansion filled with misery!

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You See, It's all about Family!

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 staticspark1947 wrote:Published in the May 13, 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly.

• * Have dinner ready. >>>>>>>It'll be ready when Im done cokking it. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return.>>>>>>>Who???? Not me.  This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.>>>>>>So am I, So what's the point???

• * Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. >>>>>>Touch up my make-up???? When In home Im relaxer that is uncalled for.

• * Be a little gay >>>>>>WTF???? I"LL LEAVE THAT ALONE. and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

• * Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

• * Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. >>>>>>Okay I can work with that.

• * Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. >>>>>>This is a good ideal.

• * Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. >>>>>>Me and my children are going to rush daddy when he gets in lol.

• * Be happy to see him. >>>>>I'll always be happy to see him even if im mad.

• * Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.>>>>I like that one.
• * Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. >>>>>>He needs to listen to me....... Then he can talk. Ladies first. Besides he should be happy to hear my voice after he gets home. 

• * Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

• * Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

• * Don't greet him with complaints or problems.

• * Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.>>>>>WTF.... If he stays out all night without tellin me I wont be there in the morning.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

• * Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

• * Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

• * Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.>>>>>WFT???? I ask what I want to ask and say what I want to say. He just better know his place as well.

• * A good wife always knows her place. >>>>>And a good man knows his.

@BagThat: I agree with your first sentence. Being the fact that this was written in 1955 we was too busy trying not to get lynched by white people or getting hosed by the police. The times were so different then and the majority of black women didn't work and our husbands barely made any money to afford massage oils and scented lotions---please. We were too busy trying to survive. As for me I don't have a problem catering to my husband. The mindset of being a wife begins before you say I Do. Read The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.----------------------------We need to find a medium. I think that most of my sisters are caught up in the 'superwoman syndrome'. I for one was guilty, but not anymore. We are so caught up in career, status and fashion when we need to redirect our focus on future investments, attitude adjustments, and family values. The brothers are hung up on superficial egos/pride, dominion, and far fetched expectations from the opposite sex. Now there are some lazy sisters as well as lazy brothers who don't have any ambition. I'm not talking about them. The brothers need to redirect their focus. Every woman that you date is not going to have sex with you. Realize that. She is not obligated to have sex with you. Realize that. And because she don't and won't have sex with you doesn't make her a lesbian. GET OVER YOUR SELF. Thats your deflated ego lashing out. A brother should cherish a woman who has some amount of integrity instead of you trying to rob her of her virtue. Brothers need to strive to see a woman beyond her body. Brothers need to focus on rebuilding the standard family life. Bring back structure and discipline and discipline yourselves. Practice being faithful, you might like it. ------------------------------------The man is the head of his family, but what are we supposed to do when the man don't want to stay. It is the man who has the power to change everything within his family. If you are sweet to your woman, she'll be sweeter to you. Its called reciprocity. If you don't respect your woman she won't respect you. Tell your 'boys' to mind their business!!! I find that men are worse than women at running off @ the mouth. However my post is not about men vs. women. Its about trying to find common ground so our relationships can be stronger and our marriages can be better. Although I know a lot of men that are scared to get married. The main reason, I was told, is because that most brothers don't know how to be husbands. Which is understandable. Just like most sisters don't know how to be wives. ------------------FOR THE BROTHERS------------------What, in you opinion, traits are you looking for in your potential wife? Be realistic. Are you prepared to be a husband? Are you preparing yourself to be a husband? If you don't know what being a husband is about there is a book called The Exempliaray (SP?) Husband. Google it to get the author's name.

 mssexycarmel wrote:

I would almost entertain this bullcrap if there was ONE black man out there worthy of this kind of treatment....

 

Getting treatment like this is a PRIVILEDGE, NOT A RIGHT!!!!

 

 

 

There's a lot of FUNDAMENTAL rules and compromises to marriage; Black women who are successfully married would never utter those words you just spoke...I guess it comes natural to them because they "get it"....A lot of men require a supportive woman who believes wholeheartedly in wifely duties and taking care of home if she's to become his wife...not only that he has to feel she has his best interest at heart....

 

What man in his right mind will want to come home to a disorganized house with unruly children and a lazy sloth of a wife?

 

The facts are some women aren't equipped to be a wife.....Yet many want it so badly but don't have even entry level qualifications....It's like applying to Harvard with community college experience and no home training.

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After a night of succulent passion, I'll have you singin and hummin "crown royal on ice"...on the j.o.b.

A little spoken word by yours truly

@Koffybrwn,

I believe most Black men have been taught by their mothers to love and cherish ALL black women...that's why there's so many "novicane n.iggaz" out there giving ratted out females a false sense of "flyness" about themselves....There's very few black men throughout our population who truly hate sista's...in fact most black men worship black women on a basic level...again it's taught in the home by mama.....so the sense of reverence for black women is there, but the same cannot be said for black men....

 

If a black woman has an impossibe time finding a decent brotha who has the capacities and fortitude of Senator Obama, then that's a reflection of her and who she is at the moment...In the dating game the water seeks it's own level....

 

In our cultural society, we must date b4 marriage enters the equation ...so if you're failing in the dating arena, there's NO WAY you'll win suckering a lame into marriage...

 

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After a night of succulent passion, I'll have you singin and hummin "crown royal on ice"...on the j.o.b.

A little spoken word by yours truly

@Rmandy: I totally agree with you!!! I must admit that a lot of women today don't respect men. Thats particularly in the black race. My race. We are so caught up in what society says how we should be and we (as black women) tend to fill ourselves with false securities that we lose sight of our role. We complain about our men; I'm talking about decent men that may not have 6 figure income, status or power, but he has integrity, respect and a sense of family. We have a tendency to get confused because most sisters are materialistic with dollar signs in their eyes. Most are not interested in building, they want "things" all ready made........................................................................Lets define "a lame"---A lame to me would be a brother that has potential but won't execute it. A brother thats lazy, no vision, no ambition, got kids all over the place, no sense of integrity, dignity, loyalty or honesty. I would never date a brother like that. He'd have no chance in hell with me, however there are women out there that see the potential and in the act of trying to motivating him they lose a sense of who they are because they're trying so hard to help this brother be something that he has no desire himself to be. So therefore time is wasted, her self-esteem plumets, and in all she loses her self worth determined to help him find his. And if brotherman is over a certain age and doesn't have a sense of self then he's a lost cause...............More and more women feel like they need to save a brother. Just like some men feel the need to save a sister, but I agree with you 100%. We as black women don't revere our brothers like we used to. It seems like most sister's got their hand out. Both the man and the woman must bring something to the table besides lip gloss and mascara and throw-back timbs and an XBOX.

i wish i had a printer, but i believe the man should keep hisself up as well and finances, then everything else will fall in place. I did all of these things when i was married, then my ex-husband wanted me 2 accept the fact that he was cheating. I prayed, he said *8* Jesus. I cooked, he watched tv. I made love, he said i wanted it too much and would give him an heart attack. Time kind of changed. My husband must cook 4 me know sometimes. i now work up to 60 hours a week, excluding caring for my 2 children in which my youngest is 10 months.