Is Black America giving marriage the boot? Are sisters scaring men away by being too desperate? Does closing the candy shop really work? Why are we divorcing at such phenomenal rates? Is dating outside the race a realistic option for Black women?

Man, you on a roll huh? *lol*

Me personally, I don't have a huge desire to be married, but I do feel that a good amount of men have a commitment-phobia, wether it comes to marriage or just being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. In other words, alot if them are forgoing the cow to get straight to the milk, if you know what I mean! *lol*

Marriage is not totally dead, but there does seem to be more non married people living together as well as alone, so it's somethin' to think about.

I wouldn't be so desperate as to run to a man of another race just because brothas ain't ready to settle down. I'll just keep on doin' me, and hopefully things will work out alright in the end.

That dude scared me.  Lopez whatever his name was.  That's the kind of dude that will slap you upside the head because of some perceived insult or infraction on your part that he thinks made him look bad.  Women should avoid him.

I am a 24 y.o black male and this show really ate at me.  Growning up with "you're not black you're white" tagged to my identity I found it hard to establish deep relationships with my brothers and sisters of Black America.  Although since puberty I have faced rejection numberous times from my sisters I have not comtemplated giving up until recently.  I believe a 4-year off and on relationship has pushed me over the edge.  Cutting the story short, I believe black women need to be REAL.  Stop chasing the American media dream that says you should be with Kanye, the guy that cheated on and recently divorced Halle Berry [something is wrong with him], Tay Diggs, the guy that gave Stella her groove back, lawyers, doctors, record producers, etcetera and start chasing or at least check out the single guy at church that is a little weird because the only consistent female interaction he has is with married or widowed women that are sometimes more than twice his age. Its time that we all stop "trying to keep it real" like on Chappelle and start just being REAL by:being vulnerable and be willing to laugh at yourself, allowing others to make mistakes, be different, do different and new things, accept others for who they are. Now, I know successful people want to be around successful people and black women you deserve that, but a some point you're going to have to be REAL and face the fact that you aren't willing to scarifice who you are to live that dream.  Living in that dream has left many of our black women as single parents, broken hearted, or simply apathetic, self-loathing, and willing to trade their souls for disappointment. I believe being REAL is what causes some people to date outside their race.  It seems that they are willing to sacrifice something they aren't (I am not referring to race) to become something they want to be, happy. Something I don't think I am strong enough to do, but to those who are more power to you. 

To be honest, I think black men have gotten too cocky and irresponsible over time, hence the lack of desire to commit to one one woman.  Black men tend to think they are a hot commodity and don't feel like they should be tied to one woman.  They will get women pregnant, move in with them and go through the motions; but will never marry. And he if they do happen to be one of the few black men who is unmarried, well-educated and has a decent job----he thinks you are supposed to crawl, beg and just be happy that he would take out the time to date you in the first place.

As far as black women being "desperate", yes; we are  desperate because we need good strong men to strengthen our culture.  Let me first say that I am a married black female with a master's level degree, so I am not looking for a man, nor do I need anyone to save me.  I think a lot of black women can relate to me on this.  However, the state of Black America will NEVER get better until the men get better.  The bottomline is that the strength of our culture is a direct result of a strong, black, responsible, dedicated man.  Without that, we as a race will continue to lag behind in all facets whether it be socio-economic, health wise, crime rates etc. Our children need strong male role models. Our boys need to see what a REAL man behaves like. Our daughters need to see how a REAL man should treat them so they can pick a good man in the future. Marriage is the hub of any strong family---not live in baby-daddies, not sugar daddies, and not the mysterious "uncles" that drop by in the middle of night periodically. 

Finally, I think black women should strongly consider looking outside of our race for options.  Black men seem to have no problem dating out of their race, so why are we still so shy about doing so?  The bottom-line is as women we need to do what's best for us and not be concerned about what society will think in regards to race.  If you come across a man and he will treat you right and commit to you----what does it matter if he is not black? It doesn't, because love is colorblind and the only person who  is living YOUR life is YOU!

 

JM

 

First of all I'm a black woman and I am not desperate. Let's acknowledge the fact that a man is a man no matter what race! Secondly, today's black men are the greatest disappointment of black history in this country. Yes, they are cocky and the reason is because their mothers spoiled them into believing that their woman should care for them like an invalid. Finally I say that I for one will date outside the black race especially if I knew that he was the one for me. Color will not determine my happiness

the only thing we can blame for all this schitt is ourselves.....

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"been away for a lil getting my grind on..but i'm still that ngga"!!!!
MYSPACE.COM/FIREDET

That last ignorant comment is why black women no longer have to do with the ignorance of black men! I strongly encourage black women to realize and observe other nationalities and their men because they respect their women and the their women respect their men because they respect their women. Black men want their mothers to be their women! Most of them have Oedipus Complexes and need psychological help! I'm not picking on black men but it's true. It's a fact of life and you can't argue against what is fact!

 literal31 wrote:That last ignorant comment is why black women no longer have to do with the ignorance of black men! I strongly encourage black women to realize and observe other nationalities and their men because they respect their women and the their women respect their men because they respect their women. Black men want their mothers to be their women! Most of them have Oedipus Complexes and need psychological help! I'm not picking on black men but it's true. It's a fact of life and you can't argue against what is fact!How about if all black men just die or leave the face of the earth. Would that make black women happy? The reason I asked is because that is what MOST black women are saying without using the words.

1. Yes, black people are giving marriage a boot, BLK women in their selfish research for financial secutity and "Dreams" are giving marriage and old family values a BIG boot. Do their dreams get a man in it? and if yes, what is his place?
2. No, women are not scaring men away by being desperate but instead by asking a poor, unemployed or "still fighting" blk man to pay her for the beauty their mothers gave them. There is no place for the "he get to..." speeches in life. Women use this powerfull verb to describe what they want a man to do for them in order to make them happy. How selfish is that?
3. "Closing the candy shop" is not the solution, but a bad financial strategy and will only hurt the owner.
4. "Divorce is the prenatal outcome or the easiest solution of an elusive and complex equation not supposed to be called Perfect Marriage"
5. About dating outside of the black community, I say "FOLLOW THAT TRAIL AT YOUR OWN RISK!". Racism still running the street my dear sister, pick up your fight well, don't try to be a hero, that fight is not worthy since that  you are not ready for it, you are not ready to live, love and hate at the same time, in the same family.

I sometimes wake up in the morning and still can't believe that I didn't move out of the most selfish country on the planet, people have forgotten the meaning of simple things as shearing, carring and loving. Our women have betrayed us a long time ago, embracing deviant values to our black race and soul. Maybe one day we, african-american, will understand that only a return to the source will save us. We are lost and can destroy ourself in that fight. What are the standards your are living by? White or black man standards? who are you black men and women? Don't be afraid to admit it but the most mentally and socially stable black people live in Africa. We, men as women, get to learn to COMPROMISE in order to survive. But sisters please keep in mind that  THE BLK MAN IS NOT READY TO GIVE UP IS THRONE.